


The Uncertainty In My Words

by Vanitelamort



Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Growing feelings, I'm sorry T_T, M/M, Not really a good story, Song writing, Uncertainty, lyrics, not my best work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanitelamort/pseuds/Vanitelamort
Summary: The world is weighing me downGravity pulling me or my own weaknessI guess I will never truly knowI feel like I'm an absolute messForces pull me back and forthIn sync with the ocean tideI feel controlled by the moonBut without it I would have diedLyrics from two different vocalist set in motion the wheels of love. Working together on a new song, Keonhee finds himself developing feelings for Yonghoon but are they one-sided or will they be reciprocated?(Updates may be irregular)
Relationships: Jin Yonghoon/Lee Keonhee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

_ The world is weighing me down _

_ Gravity pulling me or my own weakness _

_ I guess I will never truly know _

_ I feel like I'm an absolute mess _

Keonhee had those words written down on a piece of paper but no real reason for them. They just came to him one night. He thought about sharing them with the others but felt oddly self-conscious about it. They reflected him in a way and to show that to the others felt like an uncertainty. Would they notice and worry? Would they not notice at all? So instead he kept those words hidden away on the piece of paper he kept on himself. He carried them everywhere, hidden away from the others.

Except today, the paper was missing. Keonhee looked everywhere he had been for it. He hadn't left the RBW building so it had to be around somewhere and the longer he looked, the more anxious he got. He was sure most of the staff wouldn't know it was his handwriting but the rest of Oneus would and probably the members of Onewe as well. He didn't want them to see it. 

"Are you ok, Keonhee?" Seoho asked, coming across the frantic Keonhee as he walked down the hall to the next room he had been in that day. 

"Oh, um, yeah I'm fine," Keonhee said with a smile, doing his best to cover up the anxiety. Seoho raised an eyebrow at him but shrugged and continued on his way. 

"Don't forget about the Vlive tonight," he called back to the taller man. 

"Right?" Keonhee muttered, remembering about their planned Vlive with Dongju. It wasn't for a few more hours but he knew he would need to keep it in mind. 

Keonhee felt exhausted during the Vlive but did his best to interact with Dongju and Seoho while reading and responding to comments from the ToMoons. He never ended up finding his piece of paper, the anxiety from it glowing brightly inside as he tried his best to smother it. He was glad that no one seemed to notice it. He left the others the moment the Vlive finished, claiming he needed the toilet but to really go back to looking for that piece of paper. He decided to find his bag that he left in the dance studio to search it once more. To his surprise and relief, the piece of paper was in there. As he unfolded it to look at those words again, his heart dropped. Someone had written something else under his words.

_ Forces pull me back and forth _

_ In sync with the ocean tide _

_ I feel controlled by the moon _

_ But without it I would have died _

Keonhee read over the new lines, trying to figure out the handwriting. It didn't feel like anyone from Oneus, so maybe Onewe but he couldn't really tell. He liked them though, feeling like they suited his own. 

"Keonhee-hyung," Dongju called out, peering into the studio. "We were looking for you. We're heading to the dorm now."

"Ok, I'm coming," Keonhee folded the paper back up and slipped it into his pocket. He needed a new place to carry it, somewhere where it couldn't get lost again. 

Later that night, when all the others were asleep, Keonhee looked over his piece of paper again. He read through his lyrics and the new ones, still not sure whose handwriting it was. He wanted to ask the others but that would mean showing them and he still felt uncertain about it. So instead, he just read over the new words before new ones drifted into his head. 

_ My smile feels surface deep _

_ A locked door that hides my true emotions  _

_ I wonder if I can ever find the key _

Keonhee paused, he couldn't think of the fourth line. He thought of several possibilities but none felt right. He let out a sigh, decided he needed to sleep and that he would look for the mystery songwriter in the morning. 

The next day, instead of listening to Hwanwoong instructions for their choreography, Keonhee's mind was in a world of its own. That morning, he managed to find different things each member had written just to compare and so far he had concluded it was definitely no one from Oneus who wrote those new lyrics.

"Keonhee-hyung!" Hwanwoong shouted, bringing Keonhee back to earth. 

"Huh?" He said with wide surprised eyes, getting an annoyed huff from his short friend. 

"Pay attention, we don't have much time, you know?" Hwanwoong complained. 

"Right, sorry," Keonhee chuckled sheepishly. He decided to pay attention, not particularly wanting to deal with Hwanwoong's wrath if he continued daydreaming. 

After practice was finished, he decided to track down the members of Onewe, to find out if any of them wrote the new lyrics. He found the group's leader alone in the studio, messing with something metal in his hands. He looked up at Keonhee as he came in and smiled. 

"Hey, Keonhee," he said. "Look what Giwook gave me."

He held up the metal object. Keonhee had seen something like it before, it was a little puzzle.

"If I can't figure this out by the time we head back to the dorms, I owe everyone dinner. Don't ask why I agreed," Yonghoon chuckled. 

"Want some help?" Keonhee asked, taking an empty chair and sitting next to the older singer. 

"That would be cheating… but sure," he handed the puzzle over. Keonhee looked at it, fiddling with it and trying to work it out. 

"So what brought you here today?" Yonghoon asked. "Don't usually have you come around to the studio."

"Oh, right," Keonhee looked up from the puzzle. "I wanted to ask something. You didn't happen to find a piece of paper with some stuff written on it."

"Ah, I was right," Yonghoon grinned. "I knew I recognised your handwriting. I was worried when I was putting it in your bag that I had the wrong person. I really liked what you wrote, I hope you didn't mind my addition."

"Oh, no, actually I quite liked it," Keonhee could feel himself blushing. "I wrote some more last night."

Keonhee pulled out his phone and popped the case off. He had decided to keep his paper hidden between the case and his phone to avoid losing it again. He handed the paper to Yonghoon, feeling self-conscious about it but wanting the other to read it. 

Yonghoon took it, unfolded it and quietly read over Keonhee's new words. 

"I got stuck, for the last line," Keonhee explained, a little embarrassed. He decided to distract himself with the puzzle. 

"How about this ' _ When I do, should I approach with caution'?"  _ Yonghoon suggested. Keonhee looked up at him and grinned. 

"That's perfect," he said happily. Yonghoon chuckled, making Keonhee's inside stir weirdly. Though he had sent time with the other before, it had never been one on one before. Suddenly he felt hyper aware of the older man, the way he looked, his smile, his voice and just his overall gentleness. It made Keonhee feel less self-conscious, watching him read over the lyrics and add onto them. 

Yonghoon began humming, trying to find a tune that would match the words. He grabbed a notebook on the desk and opened it up, jotting down what looked like musical notes. 

"Are you thinking of showing Oneus this?" Yonghoon asked. 

"I'm not sure," Keonhee admitted, fiddling with the puzzle nervously. "I don't know how they would react to the words. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Well, do they have a reason to worry? You know they would help you if you are feeling like the world is weighing down on you."

"I know but…" Keonhee trailed off, not overly sure what to say. "It's hard to explain. Sometimes I do feel this way, I think it might be because of Road to Kingdom. That wasn't easy, constantly being on the edge of elimination and somehow making it through. My feelings have been just…"

"I get what you mean," Yonghoon smiled. "Well, if you don't want to show them, would you be alright with Onewe making a song out of them?"

"If you let me help with the vocals," Keonhee smiled back. "Even if it's just backing."

"Deal," Yonghoon held out his hand. Keonhee took it, holding it gingerly and ignoring the feelings inside that were coming to life. 

"I can't guarantee it'll ever make it's way out of this building but I always enjoy working on new songs."

Keonhee nodded in understanding. He also enjoyed making music, even if the ToMoons would never get a chance to hear it. There was something peaceful to sing for one's own sake. He loved music, he loved singing, among other things. And the idea of collabing with Onewe made him even more happy. 

"Maybe, if we can get permission, we should get the rest of Oneus involved. Make it a combined song," Yonghoon suggested. "We don't have to tell them they are your words unless you want to."

"I think they would love to do that," Keonhee said, it had been a while since they all got to work together. Keonhee felt the puzzle in his hand clink. He looked down at it, realising he had separated the two pieces. 

"Oh," he exclaimed, holding out his hands to show Yonghoon who smiled at him proudly. 

"Thank you," he said, making Keonhee's heart skip a beat. "I doubted I would have had much luck."

"Um, that's ok. I should go," Keonhee stood a bit too quickly, knocking the chair over. 

"Oh, sorry," he apologised, embarrassed as he picked the chair up and backed away to the door. Yonghoon watched him with a small amused smile. 

"Take care," Yonghoon said. 

"You too," Keonhee forced a smile before leaving the room. He slapped his forehead as he walked away, unable to believe how embarrassing he must have looked. He couldn't figure out where these weird feelings were coming from. He had talked to Yonghoon before without feeling this way and yet now he felt a bit flustered even thinking about him. He tried pushing those feelings away, deciding that was the best thing to do with them as he just couldn't make heads or tails of them. 


	2. Chapter 2

Keonhee's mind was elsewhere, much to the annoyance of Hwanwoong who insisted they keep practicing until Keonhee finally got it. Everyone else was allowed to leave, it was just Keonhee who was having trouble. 

"Keonhee!" Hwanwoong yelled, omitting the hyung. Keonhee snapped out of his daydream.

"What?" He asked, looking down at the angry dancer. 

"You're the only one lagging behind. What's on your mind? You're not usually this distracted," Hwanwoong tilted his head in concern. Keonhee didn't know what to say. His mind was on Yonghoon and even he wasn't too sure why. Since they interacted the other day, all he could think about was the older singer. Even his dreams were getting affected. 

"Keonhee-hyung?" Hwanwoong asked gently, again snapping Keonhee out of his thoughts.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "It's just…" he struggled to think of how to explain it all to Hwanwoong. 

"Come sit down," Hwanwoong suggested, taking Keonhee's hand and leading him over to some chairs. They both sat down and Keonhee tried his best to collect his thoughts. He felt like he needed to tell someone.

"Well, I have been feeling this weirdness when it comes to someone. I've been feeling all flustered around them and I can't get them out of my head," Keonhee explained. Hwanwoong just smiled at him with amusement.

"You have a crush," he stated. 

"Oh," Keonhee murmured. He had no idea how he didn't realise that himself.

"So who is it?" Hwanwoong asked. "Oh my god, is it Geonhak-hyung?"

"What? No," Keonhee exclaimed. "No one in our group."

"Oh, so someone from another group then? Hmm," Hwanwoong hummed. 

"Please no more guessing," Keonhee sighed. "I'll just tell you, please don't tell anyone else."

"I promise," Hwanwoong crossed his fingers over his heart. 

"It's Yonghoon-hyung," Keonhee admitted quietly. 

"Oh," Hwanwoong gasped. "I don't think I would have ever guessed him. When did this happen?"

"The other day, he found something of mine and returned it," Keonhee half lied, not wanting Hwanwoong to know about the lyrics. "Just talking to him, the way he smiled at me and how proud he was when I solved this little puzzle he was trying to figure out, it made my heart just go," he waved his hands around, not able to really find the words.

"You should ask him out," Hwanwoong smiled. 

"What? I can't do that, he probably doesn't even like guys and I rather avoid the awkwardness," Keonhee sighed. He rather just forget the feelings. 

"How about we find out then? We could get Dongmyeong to ask for us," Hwanwoong suggested. 

"No, just don't worry about it," Keonhee forced the smile. "Let's get back to practice, I promise to pay attention."

Hwanwoong didn't seem convinced but didn't say anything about it. They got back to learning the choreography, this time Keonhee focusing on Hwanwoong's instructions. 

Keonhee felt his entire body freeze up when Yonghoon and Giwook came into the dance studio. 

"Hey," Yonghoon smiled. "Hwanwoong told us we would find you here."

"He did?" Keonhee asked, cursing the short dancer for a moment. 

"Yeah, we've made a melody for those lyrics," Giwook beamed, taking Keonhee by surprise. 

"Sorry, I told the others about the lyrics being yours but they all promised not to tell Oneus without your permission," Yonghoon said, chuckling sheepishly. "I hope that's ok."

Keonhee nodded, not really able to speak. Those feelings inside were still stirring around strongly. He started wondering if maybe he should get Hwanwoong's help, just to find out one way or another but then the idea of rejection was scary, especially when they had to see each other most days. 

"Let me play you the sample," Giwook got his phone out and fiddled with it for a second before music started playing. To Keonhee's surprise the melody was upbeat. Yonghoon's voice soon joined in, singing the words Keonhee had written. The music ended too soon, cutting out suddenly.

"It was just a snippet," Yonghoon explained. 

"Why is the music upbeat when the lyrics aren't?" Keonhee asked. 

"That was my suggestion," Giwook smiled. "The lyrics make me think of someone who's always forcing themselves to smile despite how they are feeling inside. So I thought the upbeat music would suit that."

"Oh."

"We've been talking to the higher ups and they do like the idea of a collab album so a meeting is set for tomorrow," Yonghoon said.

"Awesome," Keonhee forced himself to say as he smiled. Yonghoon smiled back. 

"Are you ok, Keonhee-hyung?" Giwook asked. "You look a bit flustered."

Keonhee looked down at Giwook and chuckled. "Yeah, just tired from practice. I'm just a bit behind everyone else is all. But I've mostly caught up, either that or Hwanwoong just doesn't have the energy to keep going today."

Giwook seemed unconvinced but dropped it. "Come on, Yonghoon-hyung, we should get going. We'll see you tomorrow Keonhee-hyung."

"Yeah, see you," Keonhee waved them off goodbye as they left. He let out a shaky sigh, feeling a little overwhelmed by seeing Yonghoon. More than anything he just wanted the feelings to dissolve and disappear. He knew it was just going to get more difficult the stronger they got but he couldn't for the life of him figure out how to make them feel less. He thought about talking to someone else, other than Hwanwoong but it worried him what they might think, not to mention the possible teasing. Though he did know the teasing would only be light and whoever he talked to would help him. 

Keonhee let out another sigh as he packed up his things and headed off.

Keonhee found himself in the Onewe dorm with Dongmyeong, Hwanwoong, Dongju and Giwook. He had originally intended to only talk to Dongmyeong but the others insisted, even kicking out the other members of Onewe for some "maknae line" time. So here he was, with one person who knew, one person he wanted to ask for help and two unwanted people. 

"Just tell them," Hwanwoong said, getting impatient by the oldest reluctance. "Or I will."

Keonhee sighed. "Fine."

Everyone looked at him, giving their entire attention. All three of the 00 liners were curious. 

"I have a crush on Yonghoon-hyung and I wanted to see if you two," he gestured to Dongmyeong and Giwook. "Technically just Dongmyeong but seeing as you're both here, I wanted to see if you two knew if he liked men or not."

"Oh," Dongmyeong exclaimed, his hand over his mouth in surprise.

"Ha, I knew it," Giwook grinned. "You were so flustered yesterday it was kind of obvious."

"I know," Keonhee pouted. "I can barely keep my mind straight."

"Obviously," Dongju quipped, making the others giggle as Keonhee glared. 

"You have asked an interesting question, I have no idea what his preference is," Dongmyeong frowned. "Do you Wookie?"

Giwook shook his head. "No idea. Don't think I've ever seen him date anyone."

Keonhee sighed in defeat. 

"You should just ask him yourself," Dongmyeong suggested. 

"I can't do that," Keonhee almost yelled. 

"How about you write him lyrics confessing your love? He already loves the other ones you wrote."

"Wait, what lyrics?" Hwanwoong asked. 

"Keonhee-hyung wrote some lyrics but won't show Oneus," Dongju answered.

"How do you know?" Keonhee asked, looking at the younger man.

"Dongmyeong told me."

"I was worried about you, those lyrics weren't exactly happy so I asked Ju to keep an eye on you," Dongmyeong explained. 

"What are the lyrics?" Hwanwoong asked. 

"Well, we have a meeting in like ten minutes, you'll see them then," Giwook smiled, getting up and stretching. "We really should go."

The rest followed suit, all sore from sitting on the ground for too long. Keonhee was annoyed that now two of the five other Oneus members knew the lyrics were his but it felt like a miniscule problem compared to his crush on Yonghoon. He was no closer in finding out if the older singer had any interest in men. He wondered if this was really worth pursuing. He knew the crush wouldn't be going away anytime soon and perhaps even if it ended in rejection, it might have some small worth telling Yonghoon how he felt just to resolve the feelings brewing inside of him. Better to rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later, no matter how scary it felt. 

The meeting between Oneus, Onewe and their managers went smoothly, Oneus being more than happy to work with Onewe. All loving the lyrics Keonhee wrote, even if three out of the six didn't know that the song originated from four lines Keonhee wrote one day. To the tallest member, it added something special to the song, something that was his even if it was only his hyungs who had no idea. 

"Geonhak and I have a couple of songs we've been working on that we could add to this project," Youngjo said. 

"Awesome," Yonghoon smiled. Keonhee felt sorry for his poor heart as it beat out of his chest from that smile. He started thinking about what Dongmyeong had said, writing lyrics confessing his love. It did feel cheesy and he wondered if the older man would actually get the meaning behind them. Even if he didn't, at the very least they'll have another song for their new album. He decided then and there, while everyone else was discussing the collab album, that he'll write a love confession song. 


	3. Chapter 3

Keonhee felt happy with the words he had written. It wasn't much, just a few lines but he felt it was enough that it could be built upon by the others. He hoped Yonghoon would see the meaning behind them. He took them to Yonghoon, happy to find the older singer alone in the studio. 

"Hey Yonghoon-hyung," Keonhee said with a smile, trying his best not to get flustered at being near Yonghoon.

"Hey," Yonghoon smiled back, making Keonhee's heart skip a beat. 

"Settle," he muttered under his breath. He walked over to Yonghoon and took the seat next to him. 

"I wanted to show you these," Keonhee said, handing Yonghoon the piece of paper with the words he wrote down on them. He felt nervous, wondering if Yonghoon would be able to take the hint. Yonghoon took the paper and read over the words. 

"These are really good. A love song?" Yonghoon asked, looking up from the piece of paper. Keonhee nodded, not trusting himself to talk. His heart was beating fast, almost like it was trying to escape the confines of his chest. 

"Though, the way it reads, it's a confessin song to a guy. Is that how it's meant to be?"

"Yeah," Keonhee answered quietly. 

"Oh," Yonghoon said, realising. "I didn't know you liked guys."

"Well, it's not like I date much," Keonhee shrugged. 

Yonghoon chuckled. "True, I haven't dated much since joining the band. I feel this wouldn't be allowed on the album, you know how it is. We might have to change the song a bit."

Keonhee felt his heart drop. Yonghoon hadn't noticed the reason Keonhee gave it to him. He began wondering if he should just ask, pour his heart out completely and clearly for the other. To find out one way or another. 

"Yonghoon-hyung," Keonhee said. Yonghoon hummed in acknowledgement, looking up at the younger singer.

"Um…" Keonhee hesitated as fear crept through his mind. He knew it was now or never but the courage he needed felt unattainable. Beyond his reach. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"There's a reason I wrote this and showed you," he finally managed to say. Yonghoon frowned in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened in surprise. 

"Oh," he murmured, looking back down at the piece of paper. "Keonhee, I…"

The door to the studio opened suddenly, Hyungu and Harin coming in.

"Hey Keonhee," Hyungu said as he handed Yonghoon a drink. Keonhee felt annoyed, Yonghoon was about to say something and he couldn't tell if it was good or bad. Still he looked at Hyungu and smiled like usual.

"Hey," he said, getting up from his seat. "I'm heading off so you can have the seat."

He grabbed the paper off of a stunned looking Yonghoon, avoiding too much eye contact and left. His heart was still beating fast, almost like he was going to have a heart attack any second. 

He made his way back to the dorms, wanting nothing more than to talk to Hwanwoong and Dongju about what happened. To see what advice they could give him. 

Keonhee laid on Hwanwoong's bed, holding his Ryan plushie close to his chest. Hwanwoong was lying next to him, quietly listening to the older man. Dongju was sitting on his own bed, also listening. 

"So you still have no idea?" Dongju asked once Keonhee finished talking.

"Yeah," Keonhee sighed. "But now he knows I have feelings for him. I don't know what to do. Should I wait for him to approach me or should I just forget about it?"

"I think you should approach him," Hwanwoong suggested. "He knows how you feel so he should be able to tell you if he's interested or not. If you just ignore it or wait for him, nothing might come from it."

"I'm just scared of being rejected," Keonhee admitted quietly.

"If you get rejected, so be it. Wouldn't you rather be rejected over regretting never finding out to begin with?" Dongju asked. Keonhee knew his maknae was right. Rejection over regret sounded like the better option, still he didn't want to get hurt. 

"Ok, I'll try and talk to him tomorrow," Keonhee announced. 

Keonhee kept his word, he found Yonghoon alone in the studio the next day and went in to talk to him.

"Yonghoon-hyung?" He said, getting the older man's attention. Yonghoon looked at him, a little startled as if he had been lost in thought. 

"Can we talk about yesterday?" Keonhee asked. He wanted to sit down but at the same time, he wanted to be able to escape as quickly as possible if needed. 

"Sure," Yonghoon gestured to the chair beside him. Keonhee exhaled before walking over to the chair and sitting down. He felt anxious, playing with the hem of his shirt and avoiding Yonghoon's eyes. 

"I was surprised yesterday, when I realised you were confessing to me," Yonghoon said. "Look, Keonhee, I'm not against it, I do like you more than I probably should but I'm also not sure if it's a good idea. It could blow up in our faces and affect our groups."

"Yeah, I know," Keonhee felt like his heart was aching. He understood completely where Yonghoon was coming from. Though it filled him with joy that Yonghoon did like him, the older singer had a good point. Them dating wouldn't just affect them if it got out. Keonhee could feel tears escaping his eyes. He wiped them away, feeling pathetic.

Yonghoon reached out, gingerly touching the side of Keonhee's face. 

"Don't cry. I think we should talk to everyone else. I do want to give this a go," Yonghoon said, offering Keonhee a small smile. "But I feel everyone else deserves to know."

Keonhee looked at Yonghoon surprised. He was expecting them to not even try but having the older man say he wanted too made him smile as he leaned into Yonghoon's touch. 

"Ok, let's tell the others," Keonhee agreed. 

Keonhee felt more nervous telling everyone than he did confessing to Yonghoon. He felt that he knew his friends well enough to know they wouldn't judge him for liking men but the whole dating Yonghoon could be a different story. Yonghoon was the one telling everyone, Keonhee sitting quietly, stewing in his anxieties as he watched the others listen. 

"If you two want to try dating, I don't think any of us are against it," Youngjo said. The others all voicing their agreement. 

"Though, you will both need to be careful about any PDA in public," Seoho warned. 

"We know," Yonghoon said, looking at Keonhee with a smile. The younger man wasn't sure if he could believe it. Their groups were giving them their blessing, he was actually able to date Yonghoon even though there were obvious restrictions. Still he couldn't stop himself grinning like an idiot. 

"I guess that settles it then, Keonhee," Yonghoon said. Keonhee nodded happily.

"I swear, if I wake up and this is all a dream I will cry," Keonhee said laughing. It did feel surreal but he was happy and excited as he looked at the older man. 

"Well now that you mention it," Yonghoon chuckled when Keonhee slapped his shoulder. "So, where should we go on our first date?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is trash, I know this is trash and yet I'm still posting it and finishing it with this chapter and I apologise <3 I needed to end it to take it off my plate and I'm sorry <3 I'll try doing a better Keonhee/Yonghoon story in the future <3 I'm sorry again T_T

**Author's Note:**

> I always read every comment I get but I don't always respond. I do appreciate every single one I receive and I love you all who enjoy my stories whether you comment or just hit kudos <333 Thank you to everyone <333


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